i don't believe in static reality. . .i believe we are all subject to a personal reality in the context of our lives. the same action can have as many outcomes as the observers of the action. we all judge things based on what we've learned and experienced. . .this is why good intentions turn out bad. . .what's "good" in my context may not be "good" in yours. this is why morality bends between individuals. even solid in-animate objects are subject to what our individual brains interpret. . .so even the universe is subject to interpretation. racism. . .religion. . .all stem from contexts. . .all stem from experience and interpretation. . .
why is this relevant? i've done a bit of personal introspection. i've long understood that it's no use to fight emotions with logic. . .how you feel is how you feel. . .you can't change it. . .but why?. . .why can't you just recognize your emotions and decide not to feel that way? this is because you lack the experience to override your current perception of reality. i know i have trust issues. . .this is an artifact of my marriage to kristen rose graves, but why should i not trust others in my life?. . .because the damage done by kristen was so severe that it is the overriding and default interpretation of MY reality. i believe this is why depressed people are depressed. . .perhaps they lack the context to recognize "happy" events. what's worse is contexts can only grow larger the older you get. . .you'll never be rid of sub-contexts. . .i'll never be rid of the context of reality of the 3.5 years i spent with kristen. . .all i can hope is to grow the experience of trusting. . .so my context includes more incidents if trusting then distrusting.
i would also like to address the issue of patterns. . .patterns arise in contexts (i.e. you might try the same things over and over). . .i see this. . .i'm not stupid. . .i'm not blind. we can take the very obvious parallel of my time in vermont vs. my time here in saudi arabia. i believe this pattern has arose perhaps as a subconscious do-over. . .perhaps i am trying to cancel out the negative context with a positive one. . .will it work?. . .depends on the outcome, right? perhaps i re-enforce an already negative portion of my personal world view. . .perhaps i come out with a more vanilla world view thanks to perfect context frequency cancellation. . .who knows these things. it's a survival mechanism. you wouldn't believe the number of patterns i have counted in my life. . .but i'll leave them out here. . .because i might freak people out. . .i might freak myself out. . .but i suggest you try it yourself. . .
. . .beware of variable aggregations. . .one should be aware that the more variables that can be freely associated. . .the more your context will construct a personal reality. . .for example social websites. . .(myspace, facebook, etc). . .there are only variables there not realities. . ."friends", friend orders, self-proclaimed profiles of personal information, pictures. . .mountains and mountains of data that can be freely associated by your interpretation. this is why turmoil can arise from browsing information about significant others. . .etc. . .however this is only a warning. . .never ever underestimate the power of intuition, the power of interrupting your reality. . .you've learned your lessons for a reason. . .for survival. both variable aggregations and intuition should serve as a foundation for communication.
communication is the only means by which we can intersect contexts and world views. . .this is why diplomacy works for both nations and relationships. . .accusations and action serve no one in terms of changing world views. . .this is why iraq is failing. . .the united states has done nothing to influence the world view of the people of iraq. . .iraq only sees reality through the context of the rule of saddam and the religion of islam. . .they're reality doesn't include democracy. . .it's all we westerners know. . .of course it seems obvious in our context. . .
. . .or perhaps i'm going mad. . .heh.