i've officially just had it. . .it's not like i didn't know this day would come. . .the day were i look at myself and say. . ."what the 'eff am i doing here?!?!" i know that before i left daniel derksen said. . .you'll think it's cool and different for a few weeks, then about 4 weeks in you'll hate it. . .luckily he also said things will eventually just be routine. . .well the routine better be right around the corner. . .
i've been going insane all day waiting to here from jennifer. . .my initial stresser. . .i know she went to bloomington to see my old band play. . .which i feel a bit left out of. . .I KNOW. . .i chose this. . .and like any relationship, even bad ones. . .you'll miss a band when you leave it. . .but in any case. . .i am worried. . .not that i don't trust jennifer. . .but life happens you know. . .so i couldn't take just sitting and working anymore. . .so i decided i needed to get up from my desk. i got paid yesterday (the only reminder of why i am actually here). . .i needed to get my check cashed (i don't get to have a bank account. . .YET, it's a long explanation why). . .and i'm not at all excited about walking around with what would probably be an insane amount of cash to most people in the country. . .but what the 'eff am i supposed to do with it? anyway i FIGHT traffic all the way to the bank (quite literally). . .to discover that "the system is down". . .why?. . .who knows? as my co-worker eric explained. . .probably because no one wanted to take the risk of making the decision to turn it back on. . .because they could be wrong and be fired. . .so they had to pass it up the chain. . .5 managers later. . .maybe they will turn the system on. . .that's how it is here. . .people get fired when they are wrong. . .so no one wants to risk being right. . .so places like banks have waiting rooms like the BMV/DMV. . .so i have to fight traffic back to work. . .
. . .and i did. . .and i almost died because there is no concept of working together for a common goal. . .if someone has to stop all traffic on the entire road to get 5 feet closer to only the next traffic cluster f*ck. . .they will. . .and kill you in the process if necessary. . .and it's scary. . .i'm not kidding. . .really scary. . .and people that know me. . .i can be a pretty crazy driver. . .there is no auto-pilot here. . .i can't even comfortably listen to music while i drive. . .driving is a 100% always on. . .always alert. . .activity.
so why am i here?. . .because this country can't run a bank, can't run an airport, can't run security, can't run computer or cell networks and certainly can't drive. . .it doesn't have the infrastructure. . .like 50 cent said. . ."they call me new money because i have no class because i came up from the bottom i came up too fast". . .but they need those banks, airports, security, government. . .why?. . .because the west needs this country's oil. every time you and i drive in america we are supporting this country and it's policies. . .the good and the bad. so i'm here. . .getting paid good money to put up with sh*t infrastructure.