Sunday, March 4, 2007

i've officially just had it. . .it's not like i didn't know this day would come. . .the day were i look at myself and say. . ."what the 'eff am i doing here?!?!" i know that before i left daniel derksen said. . .you'll think it's cool and different for a few weeks, then about 4 weeks in you'll hate it. . .luckily he also said things will eventually just be routine. . .well the routine better be right around the corner. . .

i've been going insane all day waiting to here from jennifer. . .my initial stresser. . .i know she went to bloomington to see my old band play. . .which i feel a bit left out of. . .I KNOW. . .i chose this. . .and like any relationship, even bad ones. . .you'll miss a band when you leave it. . .but in any case. . .i am worried. . .not that i don't trust jennifer. . .but life happens you know. . .so i couldn't take just sitting and working anymore. . .so i decided i needed to get up from my desk. i got paid yesterday (the only reminder of why i am actually here). . .i needed to get my check cashed (i don't get to have a bank account. . .YET, it's a long explanation why). . .and i'm not at all excited about walking around with what would probably be an insane amount of cash to most people in the country. . .but what the 'eff am i supposed to do with it? anyway i FIGHT traffic all the way to the bank (quite literally). . .to discover that "the system is down". . .why?. . .who knows? as my co-worker eric explained. . .probably because no one wanted to take the risk of making the decision to turn it back on. . .because they could be wrong and be fired. . .so they had to pass it up the chain. . .5 managers later. . .maybe they will turn the system on. . .that's how it is here. . .people get fired when they are wrong. . .so no one wants to risk being right. . .so places like banks have waiting rooms like the BMV/DMV. . .so i have to fight traffic back to work. . .

. . .and i did. . .and i almost died because there is no concept of working together for a common goal. . .if someone has to stop all traffic on the entire road to get 5 feet closer to only the next traffic cluster f*ck. . .they will. . .and kill you in the process if necessary. . .and it's scary. . .i'm not kidding. . .really scary. . .and people that know me. . .i can be a pretty crazy driver. . .there is no auto-pilot here. . .i can't even comfortably listen to music while i drive. . .driving is a 100% always on. . .always alert. . .activity.

so why am i here?. . .because this country can't run a bank, can't run an airport, can't run security, can't run computer or cell networks and certainly can't drive. . .it doesn't have the infrastructure. . .like 50 cent said. . ."they call me new money because i have no class because i came up from the bottom i came up too fast". . .but they need those banks, airports, security, government. . .why?. . .because the west needs this country's oil. every time you and i drive in america we are supporting this country and it's policies. . .the good and the bad. so i'm here. . .getting paid good money to put up with sh*t infrastructure.

4 comments:

gravysr said...

Wow. I don't feel as cheered up as I usually do viewing your stuff.

birdchick said...

I know it's hard when you are away from the one you love for a long period of time. It's hard, I remember when I was away in a swamp from Bill and couldn't contact him whenever I wanted via text or cell or email--it sucked.

Try to focus on the moment you are in right now. The really cool part of being on another continent, experiencing a place no one else in the family ever has.

You're breaking new ground, dude. Hang in there, absorb as much as you can--this will only enhance how cool you already are.

When you get back, the sex will be unbelievable.

Anonymous said...

Whats it like to have aderanged aunt.? Of course your used to a deranged grandma. I was telling your mom how great it is to have this contact with you, I really enjoy the videos I love the background music. You have alot to be grateful for. love gmn

mikwebb said...

Dude you could be working on epub.....